More like me.....

Hello Everyone,

As of late I have been thinking about how I can change my blog to represent a more accurate portrayal of who I am and how I think.  In the last seven years of attempting to make garments I realized that I am not a fast sewer, but more importantly I am more than a working progress in constructing garments.  I am working progress as a woman.  I see myself in the midst of allot of changes and I want to bring that into my passion, my world, my love which is sewing.  By all means I am far from where I want to be but I am far from where I started.  Thank God. 

This really began when I was watching a youtube channel and I had a particular fondness for an individual which I aspired to be.  I haven’t watched her video in a long time so I decided to make a quick visit.  I realized who I once was and who I am now may have altered my perception of who and how she now fits in my life.  I realized I grew out of a certain phase, but more alarming I realized that in a way she would have been a toxic contamination in my life if I followed her mind-set, attitude and lifestyle.  It wasn’t necessarily in her behavior, it wasn’t in her message, it wasn’t even her intent.  Honestly in her own way she tries to advise, give tips and even encourage others.   In my transition in life I have become more centered and knowledgeable about what is good for me and what needs to change. 

As of late I have been praying a great deal and trying to build a solid relationship with the Lord.  I can only assume that has a huge impact on how I now see things.  One thing I have noticed is a prostitution of oneself….meaning people who are selling themselves for a price.  In my years of growing up I have watched loved ones offer themselves over for a cheap thrill, recognition, protection and most importantly validation.  I am beginning to understand the true value of self-worth and respect.  You can never purchase, enhance, change or manipulate the source of who I am and what I believe.  If I am truly in a good place with myself and I cherish who I am then I cannot betray my principles for anyone’s convenience. Believe me this is not coming from a better than thou mindset.  It comes from a place of concern.

I am not talking about little girls who going out there proving to their peers how bad or good they are.  I am talking about grown women. WOMEN!!!!!!  As in above and way beyond legal age.  How did this happen?  How did mature, educated, knowledgeable women become…….(I leave it at that).  How do you claim to love yourself when you don’t even know your worth?  I see them invest in new clothes, hair, makeup, shoes, jewelry but never seem to take the time to discover themselves.  I see them invest in their education get their bachelor, masters and some even Ph.D.’s but as educated and intelligent as they are ….no work on self-actualization.

Now how does that relate to the video’s I used to watch?   I realized that all of us grow old but some of us never grow up.  Intellectually, we can rationalize things and make sense of a situation.  But our emotional I.Q. our development as individuals may have taken the backseat of our lives.  Like I stated before and I will state it again…I am not here to judge.  I am only aware because of the changes I need to make in my life, which requires me to be selective as to who I follow and who I will lead. 

Anyway on that note.

More thoughts by me to you,

A.S.