Tuesday, October 10, 2017

So where have you been?

The last year has been a very trying one, health issues, family issues, relationship issues...it was all too much for me.  In the midst of all that was happening I started to spiral down into depression. My life as I know it was in shambles and I just couldn't figure out how I was going to move on.  After the second funeral that year, I decided to just stop.  I packed all my sewing supplies, fabric and tools and just was done.  My life no longer had any real significance, not at that point.
After seeking therapy, I started to feel better more focused.  But, there is always another challenge waiting on you at the most inconvenient time.  I realized that my marriage is over and what was funny about that (in hindsight) is that I always knew. It's difficult to explain because I am in the midst of it all. 
It's one thing to talk about a situation after it has been resolved.  It's another when you are still in battle mode.  I realize that this is the most vulnerable place I will ever be, so I need to write. Because someone out there has either started the journey or just got to their destination.  It's hard to live in a dead place, and not knowing if you are right for needing to move on.  Of course it's easier if the decision is made for you, like you found evidence of an affair, or financial deception or a physical blow.  But, when it's a complete dissatisfaction, emotional strain, mental exhaustion, spiritual drain and no consideration for you as a person.  You kind of question your reasons, you wonder if your asking too much or are you making excuses, are you deceiving yourself just because it's easier that way.  It's a different battle all together.
I write this because despite it all....I'm coming back.  And I feel different, I feel stronger and more able.  I write this because I know that I am resilient, beautiful, intelligent, strong and talented.  I write this because I know I can make a difference in my own life and as I walk in this very difficult path.  I hope that I encourage someone out there to make the first move in changing your life for the better and to encourage each other to be our best.
Simply living my life,


Anonymous said...

Hi there, I'm so sorry you had to go through what you are going through, but it seems like you are on the path that will lead you to the place that will bring you some peace and resolution. Maybe we'll see more of you but if not, take care of yourself first, you are worth it and you deserve it. Just a sewing lurker here, sending you good wishes, good luck and all the best thoughts (I'm not religious).

Ambitious Sewer said...

Thank you...it means allot to me.